‘A reminder of terrible life choices,’ the ad begins.
Even if you’re not going to buy the van, you’re interested to know more, right?
A man going by the username of milnthorpe31584 on Ebay is trying to sell his old motorhome – something he says in the description he never wanted, rather his ex did.
The Bedford CF Motorhome currently has bidding set at £1,340, and is based in Barnsley.
The seller begins his description for the vehicle with: ‘Well, well, well. Where do I start with this?
‘Up for sale is my 1984 Bedford CF camper van. A perfect restoration candidate for another coerced partner, or sadist.
‘I never wanted a campervan, my now ex girlfriend did. So we comprised and purchased a camper, without ever laying eyes on it first might I add.
‘It was intended to be a “joint” project which in reality turned into her standing round for half a day complaining about the shed we’d brought, and the remainder of the time on my back about how long it was taking to transform it into her “perfect tranquil cabin on wheels”. Yikes.’
He continues to share the misfortunes of this relationship tied to the van, and sadly it seems the vehicle might have been a contributing factor to their breakdown.
He continues: ‘Fast forward a few months and she decided to up and leave (probably for a man with a much more impressive motorhome than mine) leaving only behind this sad slab of misery on wheels.
‘Apart from being an eyesore and driving down local property prices, it serves as a personal reminder that the last few years of my life have truly and utterly been a waste.
‘As you can probably tell by this point I’m eager to get this thing off of my drive and draw a line under this turbulent chapter.’
Though the writer seems to be in good spirits with the comical description, it’s clearly an item he wants well-rid of for its emotional reminders alone.
He then splits the summary of the motorhome in three parts, sticking to jesting with ‘the good, ‘the bad’, and ‘the ugly’ subcategories.
Within ‘the good’ section, he lists all the technical aspects to the van, including ‘the world’s most expensive bog’.
He also adds: ‘It comes with everything you need to make this your own “perfect tranquil cabin on wheels” (eugh, that description will haunt me eternally).’
Though, ‘the bad’ list might stop you in your tracks to bid, as the owner says: ‘There’s some bubbling to one of the wings, I can’t remember which side and it’s too cold to go out and check.
‘It doesn’t run anymore, I stole the coil and leads to fix something else that I actually cared about. […] It’s profoundly ugly. It taunts me daily of my past failures and lost love.’
The successful bidder will have to arrange getting the motorhome themselves, as the current owner has no ‘will’ to deliver it.
They will also have to give it some serious work, as it’s ‘unfinished’ and not road ready.
Leaving no doubt that lost love hurts, he hopes selling the vehicle will ‘close this awful chapter of my life’, signing off: ‘good luck (god knows you’re going to need it).
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