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Ahead of her 40th birthday, Kourtney Kardashian was feeling a mixture of emotions.
In an E! News sneak peek of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, which is returning to E! this fall, Kourtney opened up about her upcoming milestone birthday to Khloé Kardashian — and the “anxiety” she was feeling about entering a new decade of life.
“I do think that turning 40, like it almost makes you analyze like where you’re at in your life,” Kourtney told Khloé, 35. “It’s just giving me anxiety.”
When Khloé asked what Kourtney was specifically thinking about, the mother of three — she shares sons Mason, 9, and Reign, 4, and daughter Penelope, 7, with ex Scott Disick — admitted that she wished she had more time.
“Now that I’m doing Poosh, I just always wish I had more time,” Kourtney said, noting her lifestyle website, as she began to tear up. “I feel like I want to cry,” she said.
When Khloé asked “Why?” Kourtney admitted, “it gives me anxiety.”
Kourtney tearfully explained that she doesn’t “know why because then I’m like I have so much and I should just be so happy.”
“But you’re not happy?” Khloé inquired.
“I mean, I am,” an emotional Kourtney replied. “But then sometimes I’m just like it makes you really like analyze just like where you’re at and then I’m like sometimes, ‘What am I doing?’ “
As Kourtney wiped away tears, Khloé asked, “What are you doing wrong?”
While Kourtney believed she was doing “nothing” wrong, and that she was “just living life,” she did admit: “but then sometimes I’m like I’ll just do stupid s— to like distract from really thinking about stuff that is maybe more important. I don’t know. But then half of me is like, ‘Live your life, have fun.’ “
Attempting to comfort her older sister, Khloé shared, “But if that makes you happy, you know that’s completely okay for your life. What if you enjoy the life that you have right now? If you’re happy, that’s all that should matter for any of us. But I really don’t think your soul is happy. I think you feel incomplete somewhere that you’re scared.”
In April, Kourtney’s famous family pulled out all the stops for her 40th birthday bash, hosting a celebration that included a performance by Robin Thicke, a NSFW cake and even an appearance from Kourtney’s ex Younes Bendjima.
Mom Kris Jenner attended the festivities, as well as all of Kourtney’s sisters: Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Khloé and Kim Kardashian West, who showed off the birthday girl’s look on her Instagram story.
Kourtney rocked a skintight black dress with sheer detailing, which Kim explained was “vintage Versace.” On her Instagram story, Khloé documented Kourtney’s entrance into the party as the reality star walked hand-in-hand with Penelope while a saxophone player played Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely.”
Inside the party, guests were treated to personalized Don Julio bottles and Kim, 38, pointed out that Kourtney’s bottle was engraved with her face and the hilarious caption “Most Interesting to Look At,” a reference to when Kim called her sister “the least interesting to look at.”
As Kourtney celebrated her 40th birthday, a source told PEOPLE at the time that the reality star was embracing the occasion and what the next year could bring.
“When she talked about turning 40 a while back, she didn’t seem too excited,” said the source. “Turning 40 is a big deal. But instead of seeing it as something negative, Kourtney turned it around and she seems very excited about her life just in general.”
Keeping Up with the Kardashians returns this fall to E!
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