This Morning host Phillip Schofield broke down in tears on New Year's Eve 2019 after hitting rock bottom.
The ITV presenter writes in his new book Phillip Schofield: Life's What You Make It, that he found himself in an "extremely dark place" as he tried to come to terms with his sexuality.
Phillip, 58, came out on This Morning alongside co-host Holly Willoughby on February 7 after being married to wife Stephanie Lowe for 27 years.
Phil writes how throughout the festive period he was "very low" and his head was "in an extremely dark place".
He recalls sobbing "quietly in the dark" at the prospect of a "terrifying" New Year.
The star says: "It's hard to explain how I felt, and to some extent still sometimes feel.
"It's like being inside the blackest cloud and feeling consumed by crushing, desperate sadness."
As well as fearing for his relationship with his wife and his daughters, Phil explains in the book how he was terrified he was about to 'nuke' his career.
Coronation Street's Les Dennis fears death as he turns 67 after dad died aged 66
However, in reality, ITV rallied around Phillip and his decision to come out live on TV.
In a post on his Instagram page shared seconds before going on air, Philip wrote: "You never know what's going on in someone's seemingly perfect life, what issues they are struggling with, or the state of their wellbeing – and so you won't know what has been consuming me for the last few years.
"With the strength and support of my wife and my daughters, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am gay."
He added: "Every day on This Morning, I sit in awe of those we meet who have been brave and open in confronting their truth – so now it's my turn to share mine.
"This will probably all come as something of a surprise and I understand, but only by facing this, by being honest, can I hope to find peace in my mind and a way forward."
Phillip Schofield: Life's What You Make It (Penguin Books) is out now
- Phillip Schofield
- Holly Willoughby
- This Morning
Source: Read Full Article