Jennifer Lopez Wore a Hat Shaped Like a Traffic Cone and I Just Have So Many Questions

Jennifer Lopez never fails to deliver a ~moment~ every time she steps outside, and she truly outdid herself at Milan Fashion Week when she wore the biggest hat the general public has encountered since that Vivienne Westwood “Mountain” hat Pharrell wouldn’t take off all of 2014.

Yesterday, the Hustlers star rocked a look from sequin and fur-trim queen Sally LaPointe’s Spring 2020 runway show, and while her beige and cream-colored pants, top, and shoes were on (la) point, her traffic-cone-shaped hat truly deserves all the attention.

Here’s what it looked like coming down the runway:

Possible inspiration:

And here’s how Jennifer made it her own:

(Similar energies, TBH.)

Later that night, she also wore the same hat in a shade that lands on the butterscotch and pumpkin spice end of the spectrum, but I just have so many questions about the style. Mainly, I need to know:

1) First, can you please teach us your ways?

2) How the hell can you see in that thing? Alternatively: Does your bodyguard just serve as your eyes?

3) What’s the hat hair like once that thing comes off?

4) Is Pharrell mad you just stole his shine?

5) How does one store a hat like this? Can you throw it at the top of your closet like a baseball hat or does it warrant it’s own shelf and mannequin head to keep the shape?

6) How many months of rent will this hat cost me?

7) What’s the return policy so I can get my money back after I take a pic for the ‘Gram?

8) Can you sneak movie snacks into the theater with this?

9) Similarly: Can you fit, say, 3 White Claws in there?

10) What about a puppy? My landlord has this crazy “no pets” rule.

Sally or Jennifer, your prompt response would be much appreciated!

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