Last month, we told you that Larissa Lima and Colt Johnson were returning to 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? even though they are divorced.
On the season premiere, we saw Colt take the plunge back into the world of dating, though this wasn’t exactly a huge change for him.
Larissa Dos Santos Lima is a Brazilian model who dated Colt.
They were engaged, married, and then after seven miserable months, divorced.
As we reported in detail last year, Colt Johnson’s new girlfriend is also a Brazilian model.
As with Larissa, Colt’s initial dates with Jess Caroline seem pleasantly affectionate … albeit awkward.
“Jess is beautiful,” Colt observes, stating the obvious.
“She’s 26 years old,” he details. “She has a rockin’ body.”
“She has glasses and she loves cats,” Colt notes of what they have in common.
Jess has two cats. Colt, at one point in his life, had fifteen.
“She lives in Chicago,” Colt says, “but I met Jess once in Las Vegas.”
“She was visiting with some of her friends,” he explains.
“We just hit it off,” Colt adds, describing their instant chemistry.
It may help that she apparently fits Colt’s type.
“Jess has a really good vibe about everything,” Colt gushes.
“She’s fun,” he praises.
Colt characterizes Jess: “She likes to party.” We now have an excellent Vengaboys song playing in our heads.
Finally, he gushes: “I’m excited to just be with her.”
We are subjected to entire minutes of his date with Jess, which is … nothing short of agonizing.
By that, we mean that it is awkward.
There is transparently a language barrier in place, but that’s not the real issue.
As they talk about everything from cats to dating customs, it becomes apparent that they’re both thirsting hard.
Jess describes Colt as attractive, praising his beautiful eyes.
She is looking extremely flirty, though part of that is likely the intrinsic awkwardness of being filmed on this date.
We are also subjected to the unyielding background noise of other people talking in the background.
But there’s no mistaking how deeply horny they both appear as they proposition each other for sex.
“She’s young. She’s fun,” Colt praises.
He observes “She likes to have a good time.”
“I feel like she’s a breath of fresh air,” Colt says.
That last bit of praise seems like it’s both a compliment towards Jess and an insult towards Larissa.
“She’s given me life again,” Colt raves about Jess.
“Jess and I are definitely on the same page in regards to intimacy,” he says.
He is saying that because they are both deeply horny, basically.
“Honestly,” Colt reflects, “after being with Larissa, thank God.”
Jess had more to say that just praise for Colt’s eyes and a proposition for sex.
“I want to stay in America more,” she admits, “because America is amazing.”
The modela lso gushes: “I’m so happy Colt came to Chicago!”
But not everyone is happy with this arrangement.
Deb, Colt’s mom, is leery of her son dating again after his marriage turned out to be so bad.
“I don’t know if Jess understands the bond that Colt and I have,” Debbie admits.
“If she tries to break it,” she warns, “she’s going to be in for a rude awakening.”
Yes, the bond between mother and son seems ironclad.
We would be remiss if we did not mention that we already know that things do not end well with these two.
Jess Caroline has accused Colt of revenge porn and psychological abuse, echoing many descriptions of him that Larissa has made.
Reportedly, Colt ends up with a different woman who is not Jess, while Jess and Larissa have shown each other vocal support.
They are not the only exes who are unhappy with the way that Colt treated them, they are just the only ones whom he’s dated on TV.
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