Celebrities

Armie Hammer: Posting Nude Pics of Erika Jayne? Having “Loud, Outdoor Sex” With RHOBH Star?!

Another day, another bizarre revelation/allegation about the life of actor and depraved weirdo extraordinaire Armie Hammer.

In case you somehow missed, Armie — previously thought as sort of handsomer-than-usual everyman — has, in recent weeks revealed himself to be into just about every weird thing a person can be into.

You name it the fetish/drug/act of ritualistic sacfrifice, and Hammer has tried it out and probably made an Instagram post about it,

First, we learned that Armie is (allegedly) a cannibal via explicit DMs posted by a woman who claims to be his ex-mistress.

Shortly thereafter, it was revealed that Hammer loves drugs — and not just your standard Hollywood hedonist stuff like cocaine, but trippy, mind-blowing stuff like DMT.

Not surprisingly, all of this came as a shock to learn that she married the world’s horniest cannibal.

Yes, in addition to feasting on human flesh and inhaling more drugs than the crowd at a Phish concert, Hammer has been nailing everything in sight.

And it seems that in following his dong all over creation, the 34-year-old has crossed paths with some C- and D-list celebs!

First came reports that Hammer had sex with the beauty queen who holds the title of Ms. Cayman Islands.

(Both Hammer and the pageant committee have denied these allegations.)

And now, it appears that Armie has invaded Erika Jayne of The Real Housevies of Beverly Hills fame.

This report comes to us from the Deux Moi Instagram page, who claims to have obtained a screenshot of an incriminating post from Armie’s personal Instagram page, as well as some insider testimony.

“Erika Jayne has been living [next door] to Armie. Erika Jayne’s rental house is next door to where Armie has been crashing [with] a friend post divorce,” says one source.

The claim appears to be corroborated by a screenshot that was reportedly taken from Hammer’s Instagram page.

“My new neighbor just moved in recently and slid in to my DMs,” Armie wrote.

“She said she can [hear] what happens over on my side of the fence and she wants in. This is my new neighbor.”

As for what Erika heard, well … according to a previous renter, the Hamm Man often engages in “loud outdoor sex” at the property, which is apparently a great way to meet your neighbors in certain parts pf Beverly Hills.

For obvious reasons, this report has attracted a great deal of attention from both the RHOBH and “WTF is Armie Hammer up to now?” Twitter communities.

“The Erika Jayne and Armie hammer tea can’t be true. Not the call me by your name sequel I was expecting,” wrote one user.

“Armie hammer and ERIKA JAYNE are doing the business? am I ever gonna know peace?” another asked the heavens.

“Not Erika Jayne sliding into Armie Hammer’s DMs,” a third bemoaned.

Yes, folks, 2021 is not even a month old, and it’s already brought us news of Armie Hammer banging and possibly planning a delicious side dish to go with Erika Jayne.

We’d ask what we’ve done to derserve this, but we’re too busy being overwhelmed with gratitude that we don’t live next door to Armie Hammer.

If we wanted to catch the never-welcome sight of a man having sex with his food, we’d throw on that scene from American Pie.

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